


Jeremy the Matchmaker

by Pushmipullu



Category: The Beatles (Band), Yellow Submarine (1968)
Genre: Blind Date, Dancing, Fluff, Gen, Love, Matchmaking, References to the Beatles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The Beatles - Freeform, boob - Freeform, dumbass in distress, girl research
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pushmipullu/pseuds/Pushmipullu
Summary: Jeremy attempts to set Ringo up on a blind date. What could possibly go wrong?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Jeremy the Matchmaker

To the west of Pepperland’s wide open fields of greenery and forests, there lay a little cluster of houses and shops known as Peppertown. The houses had been built a few years after the arrival of the first Pepperlanders. Each house had been built to fit the specific tastes of its owner, so some houses were tall and round, while others were short and rectangular. It didn’t take long to build them, for in Pepperland, all that was needed for one to build was one’s imagination, if one had one, that is.

The most particular houses of interest sat on the east edge of the town. There were four of them, all lined up next to each other in a row. These homes belonged to the four members of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, the youths hand-picked by Sgt. Pepper himself to defend Pepperland. The four lads were very good friends, so they liked to live near, though not with each other. (Privacy was somewhat necessary.) 

The house furthest to the right of the row happened to belong to Ringo, the drummer, and Jeremy Hillary Boob, Phd. Jeremy was a close friend of Ringo’s, who had been discovered by his surface counterpart in an earlier adventure. When the counterpart went home, Ringo agreed to take care of the Boob, who now lived with him.

Early one morning, before the sun had barely risin over the horizon, Jeremy tiptoed carefully out of his room, down the hallway, past Ringo’s bedroom, and out the front door for his early morning walk. The Boob liked taking walks through town in the morning, before everyone was awake, for it was at this time he was able to think the most Exceptional Thoughts on Necessary and Unnecessary Subjects.

“Atmospheric, Endospirt, Indemnity clause. Mitocons, Digitrons, reasons for pause,” he hummed to himself, as he strode along the silent streets as the houses beside them were heavy with sleep. 

After a while, Jeremy reached the center of town, which was known as the Plaza. In the middle of the Plaza sat a large, ornate fountain. The waters of the fountain were said to contain minor healing powers, but as injuries in Pepperland are typically few and far between, no one really thought it was that important. What was important though, was that the sides of the fountain were rather tall, so everyone liked to hang their notices and signs on it, announcing various things, such as upcoming social events and restockings of furniture. 

This morning, however, there was a new sign on the fountain which caught Jeremy’s eye. It was quite a bit bigger than the other signs, and was painted with bright colors. It said:

NEXT TUESDAY NIGHT AT 8:00

PEPPERLAND’S 40TH ANNUAL COUPLES DANCE

FEATURING BRAD THUNDER & THE LIGHTNING BOLTS  
Now, Pepperland had several annual dances, and Jeremy had them all memorized by heart, as he was prone to doing. But this one was quite new to him, so he decided to return home and ask Ringo about it. By this time, people were beginning to file out of their houses and into the streets, so it took the Boob a bit longer to return home than it had to get to the center of town.

Naturally, upon reaching the house and entering it, Jeremy expected his friend to be awake, but the house was still silent. So he immediately went into Ringo’s bedroom, threw open the curtains, then went over to the bed and began to shake the blankets.

“The sun is up, it fills the skies! Come now, it’s time for you to rise!” Jeremy said enthusiastically.

Ringo groaned somewhat less enthusiastically. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he mumbled.

Jeremy stopped shaking him for a moment and crossed his arms. 

“It’s a quarter past six, you see. I’d get up if you were me.”

Ringo popped his head up briefly. “Past six? Blimey, Jeremy, that makes it even worse.”

Jeremy scowled, and responded by ripping off the comforter and running out of the room before Ringo could try to take it from him. After that, the boob went into the kitchen, filled the kettle, and put it on the stove for it to boil. Ringo, finding himself without a comforter, finally got up and went into the dining room. He sat down at the table as Jeremy was setting it.

“You know, you’d be a bit nicer in the mornings if you needed sleep like the rest of us.” Ringo yawned.

“Ridiculous,” replied Jeremy. “Everyone should be up with the sun, even if others do not find it fun.”

Jeremy went over to the cupboard and opened it to retrieve some saucers. As he did so, he suddenly remembered what he wanted to ask his sleepy friend about.

“Pepperland has several festivals, some are monthly, most are annual. Yet today as I was walking, silently, without much talking, upon the fountain I chanced to see a notice unfamiliar to me.”

“What did it say?” Ringo asked as he stretched.

“Next tuesday night, a couple’s dance. Do you know of it, perchance?”

“A couple’s dance?” said Ringo. “I don’t-”

And then, almost faster than Jeremy could blink, Ringo suddenly stood up and bolted down the hallway as quick as he could. The boob was so stunned that he stood stock still in the kitchen for almost five minutes, trying to comprehend what he could have said to elicit such a response. Then, Ringo ran back into the dining room, fully dressed, but struggling with the buttons on his jacket.

Jeremy trotted over to him to help. 

“What on earth did I say?”

“We’ve got early rehearsals today!” said Ringo as he did up the last button. “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner? The lads’ll kill me if I’m late again!”

“No, they won’t,” said Jeremy, fixing a button that had been done up incorrectly. “Won’t you have breakfast at least?”

“No time!” cried Ringo as he ran out the front door, not even bothering to shut it behind him.

Jeremy rushed out after him, and followed him over to the band’s eastern bandstand, the largest one, where the instruments were kept. Ringo and Jeremy went inside and began looking around for Ringo’s trumpet.

“We play at the dance every year,” Ringo explained as he searched. “This one’s supposed to be real special, though, since it’s the fortieth one and all, so John suggested we start rehearsals at six starting on Monday…”

“Who did?” asked a voice.

“John did,” said Ringo, believing he was still talking to Jeremy.

“Well, that’s a pretty silly thing to say, isn’t it?” replied the voice. “Right, George?”

The boob and his taller friend turned around and saw John and Geroge standing in the archway of the bandstand, smiling mischievously at them. Neither of them were in uniform.

“Care for breakfast?” asked George.

***

A few minutes later, the four of them found themselves sitting under a grove of trees on a blanket. They were eating a brunch that had been prepared and packed by George, who hadn’t exactly intended to share but now was, for one reason or another. Jeremy, who didn’t need to eat, seated himself between John and George, hoping for an eventual cuddle. He liked cuddles. 

“Then the Lord Mayor suggested,” John was saying, “That since the Blue Meanies aren’t a threat anymore, we might let a different band play at the dance this year.”

“So that we could ‘go and enjoy ourselves’ as he put it,” added George as he reached for another sandwich. “And this idiot agreed to it.”

He gestured at John, who smirked.

“Well, it was really Paul’s idea-”

“Where was I during all this?” Ringo interrupted.

“Probably sleeping,” said John.”It was really early in the morning, and you were late, so…”

Ringo sighed heavily. John picked Jeremy up and put him in his lap. 

“Hey, Jeremy,” he said, hugging the boob to his chest, “I thought you were supposed to keep Ringo here updated on the things he misses?”

“My sincerest apologies,” replied Jeremy, who was too excited about the hugging to say anything clever.

“Well, that’s all well and good, I guess,” said Ringo. “But what are we going to do with ourselves then? You lads know the dance is a couples thing, romantic couples I mean, and I’m pretty sure only Paul has a date lined up. I guess the three of us could hang out somewhere?”

“Where is Paul anyhow?” Jeremy asked.

“Putting on,” said John.

“Taking off,” said George.

Jeremy and Ringo exchanged knowing looks. For about a month now, Paul had been showing interest in a lovely artist by the name of Rita, and now it looked as though they might actually be getting serious. Every morning for the past week or so, the two of them had been going to breakfast at Rita’s house in town, which had caused a bit of a stir amongst their respective friends.

“It’s a bit too easy to fall in love in Pepperland, if you ask me,” said George, taking another bite out of his sandwich.  
“Anyway,” said John, “About that-”

“Shh!” Ringo said suddenly. “Speak of the devil!”

For at that moment, he’d spotted Paul walking towards their group, with Rita on his arm.

“‘Morning, fellas,” Paul said cheerfully. 

Rita nodded and smiled at the group.

“Good morning,” the three lads and their boob said at the same time.

“Was breakfast good?” asked John.

“It was delicious, as usual,” said Paul. “You four should come next time, and see for yourselves.”

“No thanks,” said George. “It might spoil my appetite.”

Everyone laughed good naturedly. Paul and Rita took a seat next to Ringo, who scooted over to make room for them.

“Well, George,” said Rita. “Have you made up your mind?”

Ringo blinked in confusion. To his surprise, none of his friends seemed puzzled by this statement at all. George, having finally finished the sandwich, thought hard for a few seconds and then spoke.

“Well, why not? I guess there’s no harm in trying. Might be fun, actually.”

“Oh, splendid!” said Rita. “She’ll be delighted. Jane is a fantastic cook, you know. And she grows everything herself, too.”

“Does she now?” said George, in a curious manner.

“What about you, John?” said Paul. “Did you ask Emily yet?”

Ringo and Jeremy exchanged confused looks.

“Emily?” said Ringo. “As in, Emily Merriweather? The Librarian?”

“She is,” said John.

“I thought she hated you? Said you talked too much or something.”  
“It was more of a friendly row, really,” replied John. “Apparently she’s changed her tune, so I thought maybe I’d ask her to the dance next week. She agreed to it, by the way.”

“Just a minute,” said Ringo, suddenly realizing what was going on. “You mean to tell me that all three of you have dates to the dance next week?”

His bandmates nodded. Ringo looked stunned.

“You have a date, don’t you, Ringo?” asked Rita.

“I-well, you see…”

Ringo stammered for a few seconds, as the other looked at him expectantly.

“Well, no,” he finally uttered. “But it doesn't matter. I don’t care about that dance anyway. It’s nothing but mushy rubbish for people who think they’re in love. I think it’s disgusting, really.”

The others all stared at him in silence. Jeremy got out of John’s lap and walked over to Ringo, who suddenly stood up. 

“Besides, it’s not like I’ve had any time to plan for it, since I just found out about it now, and none of you could be bothered to tell me earlier.”

He then walked off in a huff, with Jeremy following close behind him. The others continued to sit in silence, trying to process what had just happened. Rita gripped Paul’s arm, and then called out,

“Ringo, if you like, I could ask around for someone to go out with you!”

“It’s all right,” said Paul. “It’s better to leave him alone when he gets in a mood like this.”

Rita sighed sadly, and Paul put his arm around her. 

“He’s got a point, you know,” said George. “We shouldn’t make Jeremy his only messenger.”

John nodded. “And you know he didn’t really mean it. It’s just that Ringo’s not exactly Don Juan when it comes to women.”

Rita raised an eyebrow. “You mean, he’s shy?”

“Well, kind of,” said Paul. “He can be shy at times, but the real problem is that none of his dates have ever worked out. He seems to have a bad habit of picking the, well, oddest girls around...”

***

“I see.” said Jeremy. “So, your luck in love is awfully bad, just thinking of it makes you sad?”

Ringo, who was sitting under a lone tree, somewhere out in the fields of Pepperland, nodded.

“It’s just… I dunno…sometimes it seems like the universe just doesn't want me to fall in love.”

“Quite a conundrum, this problem of man, say, I think I may have come up with a plan!”

“A...plan?” said Ringo. “You don’t mean-”

“It’s simple. Using my scores of infinite knowledge, I’ll find you a girl, perhaps from the college. Though love is a subject that I’m not too keen on, through research and study, you’ll have one to lean on!”

“Jeremy, that’s the stu-, er, worst idea you’ve ever had,” said Ringo. “Love isn’t something you can just look up in a book, you know. It takes experience-”

Jeremy scoffed. “Believe me, my friend, through the power of learning, there is no knowledge I’m not capable of earning. It’s just a matter of research, you see. I’ll do it as easy as one, two, three!”

He folded his arms in determination, then took a seat next to his friend. Ringo’s look softened, and he looked kindly at the boob, who was determined to cheer him up no matter what he said. Ringo put his arm around Jeremy and pulled him close.

“All right, then. You can try to find me a date, but be careful how you go about it, alright? I don’t want to hear you’ve been harassing women.”

“Harass? How crass!” Humphed Jeremy. “I shall be nothing but polite. All other ideas are sealed tight!”

“I know,” said Ringo, hugging him. “And I’m sorry I almost called you stupid.”

“Apology accepted, true. But now I have much reading to do!”

Jeremy became cheerful again, and at once bounded homeward to read his books. Ringo watched him as he went, sincerely hoping that he hadn’t made a terrible mistake in letting him play matchmaker.


End file.
